someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
