I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
