everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
love makes seman taste better
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
