New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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