I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
