I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
