You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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