New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
