Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize