i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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