Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
