She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
