whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
