He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
