you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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