If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
