It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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