this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
