Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
