you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
