i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
