You're completely useless in the revolution.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
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I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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