how can u be prego again
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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