She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
