The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
