He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
