I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
