yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
