saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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