someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
