His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
