Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
