This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
