I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
