i just sent this text using only my big toe
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
