Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
