the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
