My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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