do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
