at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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