Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing