I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"