A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...