He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?