were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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