I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
