$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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