If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
