I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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