guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
