when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
