I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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