Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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