Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
