thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
