I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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