Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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