Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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