so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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