I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
