Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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