if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
