I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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