May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
