I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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