I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
