I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
