I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
