i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
