Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
