The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
